From the moment I found out I was pregnant with my third child, I knew I wanted to have a home birth. I prayed the entire pregnancy that it would work out that I could have one. After a long and hard pregnancy (nausea that never went away, pregnancy anemia, and more) I was over a week past my due date and more than ready to meet my baby. As I got closer to the 42 week mark, induction was looming over my head and my dreams of having a home birth were seeming less likely. I knew the baby would come when she was ready and that God’s timing is perfect, but I couldn’t help but feel discouraged that she hadn’t come yet and that I may not get the home birth I prayed for.
Monday 5/12 (41 weeks, 5 days)
I had an ultrasound to check on the condition of the placenta and fluid levels since I was so far over my “due date”. If anything looked questionable, I was going to be transferred to the hospital for induction immediately. If everything looked ok then I would be able to give it a few more days before scheduling my induction. Everything looked good so I decided to continue the waiting game and scheduled the hospital induction for the evening of Wednesday 5/14. I gave an update in the group chat with my friends and prayer warriors. They were all praying that I would go into labor on my own before my induction, but reminded me that if I did have to be induced, God had his reasons and that all would be ok.
Tuesday 5/13 (41 weeks, 6 days)
I got a call in the morning from the hospital saying that they were packed with inductions and there were only two spots for me to choose from – either 5/14 at midnight (so to go in that night) or on 5/15 at 10 pm. I chose the latter so that I could give baby as much time as possible to come on her own. I spent the rest of the day cleaning, praying and bouncing on my birth ball to try to get things going. I continued having sharp pelvic pains, but they weren’t distinguishable waves like contractions and they never seemed to turn into active labor. It was so hard to walk at this point due to all of the pelvic pressure I was feeling. Looking back now I know that these feelings I was having for days before labor started was a form of prodromal labor that was helping to prepare my body.
Wednesday, 5/14 (42 weeks)
I was officially 42 weeks pregnant and facing a hospital induction the following day. I was filled with emotions. Between the pregnancy hormones, pre-labor hormones that had been building up in my body and beginning to grieve the fact that I may not get the intervention free home birth that I wanted so badly, I found myself crying on and off throughout the day. I was sad that baby might not come on her own and also a little relieved that (one way or another) baby would be here soon and my long, challenging pregnancy would finally come to an end.
That afternoon I went to see my chiropractor for one last adjustment. Knowing that baby would be here in the next 48 hours at most, I wanted to make sure my body was in alignment for a smoother birth experience, whether it be at home or in the hospital. As he was adjusting me he told me that my hips were slightly twisted and had come out of alignment since our last appointment (the relaxin flooding my body at the end of pregnancy made it hard for me to hold an adjustment for long) so I was glad that I was able to get that last appointment in.
I then went back home and began to tidy up the house and prepare for possibly being gone for a few days in the hospital and packing my bag. I was still holding out hope for the home birth I wanted but time was running out and I wanted to be prepared either way.
Around 7 pm I cried for about an hour, grieving that my time for a home birth was on the 24 hour clock and still no signs of labor. I had lost bits of my mucus plug, but otherwise had no signs.
At 10:30 pm I started having different sensations than what I had been having previously. I texted my doula at 10:45 pm saying “Just letting you know that it feels like my pelvic ligaments are stretching apart and it feels really intense… not sure if that means anything or not but just thought you should know”. My doula texted back: “That sounds promising but just make sure to get some sleep in case labor starts soon you’ll want to be as rested as possible.”
Thursday 5/15 – Active labor begins
At midnight I felt my first real contraction (I was induced with Pitocin with my first two children and had never felt a real, natural contraction until this point). It didn’t feel like a period cramp, the way a lot of women have described contractions to me, but it came in a distinct wave and I just knew it was a contraction and not one of the many Braxton Hicks I had during the pregnancy. I called my midwife and let her know I was having contractions that were close together and my midwife said to see if they continue for an hour without going away. I then called my doula and she spoke with me on the phone as I had several more contractions. She was helping me breathe through them and timing them for me. She said they were three minutes apart and lasting 40 seconds to a minute long each. She left to head my way while staying on the phone with me and talking me through each contraction. At 12:15 while I was on the phone with her I texted my midwife letting her know the contractions weren’t letting up and were three minutes apart and that I thought her and her team should head my way. I then texted my mom, sister, grandmother and my prayer group of friends that I was in active labor, and to start praying.
At 12:45 am my doula arrived and helped me with breathing and positioning stances to get through each contraction while my husband transferred the girls (who had both fallen asleep in our bedroom) to their room and put our dog in their room with them and shut the door.
At one am the midwives arrived. At that point the contractions were so intense that things around me were beginning to become a blur. My team was quickly moving things in place around me but all I could see was a fuzzy haze of movement in my peripheral vision as I was now in the intense labor zone I have heard people speak about. I remember the midwives getting out their equipment, setting up the birth tub and checking mine and baby’s vitals in between contractions while my doula held my hand and my husband helped show them where everything was and where to set up things.
At some point between 1 am and 2 am I wanted my midwife to check my dilation. The contractions were extremely intense at this point and I just wanted to know how much I had progressed. She said I was 5 cm dilated and 90% effaced. I then started to panic a little bit. Logically, I knew better than to let the dilation get me down because I knew that it doesn’t mean much (women can be one cm dilated and have a baby 30 minutes later or they can be nine cm dilated and have a baby hours later) so I tried my best not to get discouraged by being halfway to complete with the amount of pain I was in but my logical brain was beginning to go out the window at that point.
My doula then suggested we go to the bathroom for a few contractions while the rest of the team prepped and filled the birth tub. As my husband helped me to the bathroom I remember looking at him in desperation and saying “Babe this is so hard and I’m scared”. I was also afraid him seeing me like this would send him into a panic but he seemed so calm and strong and confident that I could do it. I then sat on the toilet with my arms draped over my doula’s shoulders as I roared with the intensity of each contraction. She locked eyes with me while telling me I was doing amazing and that this baby would be in my arms soon. Then the contractions reached a level of intensity that I didn’t know was possible. I had a moment of sheer panic where I told her “I don’t think I can do this, I’m not going to make it, I think we should call an ambulance”. She looked me dead in the eye and said to me “You can do this…. you ARE doing this…. and you WILL do this.
Not long after that moment (which I now know was probably transition), the birth tub was ready and once I stepped inside the tub and immersed myself into the warm water I knew I was going to be able to get through the rest of my labor. I had crossed over the bridge of transition and no longer had thoughts of transferring to the hospital so that I could get the epidural (which I now know, and knew deep down in the moment as well, that I wouldn’t have made it to the hospital for the epidural even if I had tried, and would have had the baby in the ambulance). As I was sitting in the warm water with my arms hugging the side of the tub as my husband applied counter pressure to my lower back to lessen the intensity of the pain, I mentally accepted finishing this birth in my bedroom and completely submitted myself to God begging him to get me through.
As each wave took everything out of me I stopped fighting it and it became clear to me that the only way out was through and when the intense pressure came over my body I bore down and let out a loud roar with each contraction. For the 30 seconds break I had in between each contraction I remember asking my husband to go make sure the girls were still asleep in their room and they were each time. I couldn’t believe the noises I was making did not wake them up. I couldn’t believe the dog wasn’t barking (our dog would bark at literally anything and everything all day long for no reason, but especially in situations where someone seems stressed out). I knew in that moment there were guardian angels in their room shielding them and keeping them sleeping soundly.
Less than 30 minutes after I had been in the birth tub I started feeling the urge to push. At first I wasn’t sure if it was a bowel movement or if things were really getting close to the end. I told the midwives that I thought I was going to poop (so they could be ready to scoop it out of the tub quickly) and suddenly in my blurry peripheral vision I noticed them quickly stripping my bed sheets and putting pads down under the sheets before re-making my bed and getting all of their newborn supplies ready. They knew my urge to push and the feeling I was having meant I was close and I had hoped it meant that too but I was also afraid to get my hopes up in case I still had a long way to go.
Then…. suddenly… I could feel her head slowly moving down the birth canal. The stretching sensation was incredibly intense but honestly it was so much easier than the pelvic pressure I felt before she began descending, so in comparison it felt like a relief. When she was almost out I experienced the “ring of fire” that I’ve heard so many talk about and it seemed to never end in the moment (even though in reality it was probably only a few minutes). I remember seeing and hearing my husband pep talk me like he was an NBA coach on the sidelines of a national championship game with a 2 point score difference. He was yelling motivational words while bending over with his hands on his knees and moving his arms around in all directions trying to guide and motivate me to push her out. My doula was encouraging me and the midwives were patiently guiding me and ready to go in standby mode so they could quickly take action as soon as the baby emerged. But in that moment, the only ones who could do anything were me, my baby and God.
Then I felt an intense burning sensation as her head crowned. Once her head was out she stayed there for a minute as I tried to patiently wait for the next contraction. I could hear my husband yelling about how much hair she had and I remember the midwives telling me to wait for the next contraction and then push the rest of her body out. I felt a combination of relief that it was almost over and that I was about to finally meet my baby girl, and impatience that I couldn’t just push her out immediately in one big moment. I was yearning for the intense sensation of my body stretching itself beyond measure to end. I then felt a wild sensation that felt like she was punching me from the inside (I think it must have probably been either her rotating her shoulders so that she could get out, or the fact that I later learned she came out with her hand by her face) but at the time it felt like she was punching me and I remember telling her to stop punching me (haha). After two hours of back to back contractions without hardly any break it felt like the time between the contraction that brought her head out and the next one was extremely long. But I tried to be patient as I waited for the wave and not to force it for the safety of her and myself. Then suddenly I felt the wave coming and I pushed with every ounce of strength in my being. When she didn’t immediately come the rest of the way out my midwives had me lift up my legs and my hips and held my legs and as I continued pushing with everything in me the rest of her body slid out of me. I suddenly felt a wave of relief in my body that I didn’t know was humanly possible. The midwife caught her and handed her immediately to me. I put her on my chest and rubbed her back as the midwife suctioned the mucus out of her nose while I patiently waited to hear that first cry. A minute or so later she started crying and then I started crying in relief that we had done it and she was here and healthy. I wrapped her in a warm towel as we both stayed in the tub for a few more minutes, embracing those first few minutes of skin to skin. We did it babygirl” I said.
We then moved to the bed to lay and cuddle together for our golden hour of skin to skin bonding and nursing. She latched onto my nipple immediately and I held her in my arms. After having our golden hour I asked the midwives to check me for tears. I had an episiotomy with my first labor and a tear with my second labor, both of which required stitches. When the midwife checked she said I had two extremely tiny tears that didn’t require any stitches. I was so relieved.
A couple of hours later my doula helped me walk to the bathroom to rinse off in the shower and the whole time I was shaking uncontrollably from the adrenaline rush and shock I felt after experiencing such a precipitous and intense labor. I then laid back in bed with a warm towel and texted everyone who was anxiously waiting to know if we were both ok as my husband and the midwife weighed the baby. 9 pounds and 9 ounces. I couldn’t believe it. I had just birthed my biggest baby yet (by over a pound) unmedicated, in my bedroom, without needing any stitches after.
As the baby cried during her initial wellness check my first born 4 year old daughter woke up from her cries and came into the room with a look of awe and wonder on her face as she yawned and then smiled big at the sight of her baby sister. she had been asking baby Zinnia to “come out” for the last 5 weeks and now we were finally able to tell her that her baby sister came out and it was time to meet her.
A few hours later I saw a video that one of my prayer warriors had sent me where she was praying over my birth after I told her I was in active labor. Midway through her prayer she started speaking in tongues and I had no idea she could even do that before that moment. I felt the presence of the Holy Spirit as I listened to her speak in tongues, despite the fact that I couldn’t understand it. It was so powerful. The time she sent me the prayer was around the time things felt most intense for me.
Looking back at how everything played out, not only was God’s timing perfect, but he gave me the home birth I wanted and I couldn’t have asked for a better outcome. If the hospital hadn’t called to reschedule my induction from Wednesday night to Thursday night, I would have been induced and missed out on my amazing home birth experience. I had asked God for a quick labor and my labor went fast, but not so fast that my team couldn’t make it in time. My first contraction was at midnight and she was in my arms by 2:45 am. I had originally prayed for a morning birth so that I wouldn’t wake the girls and so that my mom could be there to watch them, but they miraculously slept through it in the other room and now I know that if they were awake the experience would have been more stressful for all of us. God knew what I didn’t know and he made everything happen perfectly. I am still in awe of the way my other girls and the dog in the next room over slept soundly throughout the whole thing. I know for sure God had angels sealing and keeping watch over that room. I had also prayed for no major tearing since I wouldn’t be numb from an epidural during the stitches, and I had no major tearing despite how large she was and the fact that it was a nuchal hand delivery.
As I laid in bed with my oldest daughter and my brand new beautiful baby girl and my husband I looked around in awe at my beautiful family and at the amazing experience I had just endured. I was able to cuddle in my own bed with my family and within a couple hours after birth my team was gone and we were in our blissful bubble. No bright lights, no constant checks, no separation from baby or constant pricks. Home birth may not be for everyone, but for me it was what I always wanted and this time, I got it. Being in the comfort of my own home, tea brewing, string lights glistening, cuddling my whole family was exactly how I wanted to experience it and God delivered just in time, in his perfect timing. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, but also the most amazing and I am so grateful for getting to experience it.